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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24499642">A Different Voyage Home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chakochick/pseuds/chakochick'>chakochick</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Voyager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, I hope you like it, i hope i don't screw it up, i'm excited about it, i'm sorry if you don't, i've never written angst like this before, is kathryn sick?, it started in Sandrines, it's jemabean's fault, mention of Chakotay and Seska - Freeform, never read one like this before, something is wrong with her</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:41:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24499642</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chakochick/pseuds/chakochick</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This starts out in Sandrine's at the end of The Cloud. Something happens to the Captain and Chakotay is there to help. What they find out when they get to sick bay is not what either of them was expecting. I've never read a fic like this before, but the idea came to me and I have to see it through.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, mention of Chakotay and Seska, mention of Kathryn and Mark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>159</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>135</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Eight ball, corner pocket,” Kathryn looked at crewman Drendor as she sunk the last ball, officially hustling her fifth newcomer of the night. With slumped shoulders and a defeated expression, the young crewman nodded his head, conceded the game, and left for the night.</p><p>Only Kathryn, Chakotay, Harry and Tom remained of the senior staff. Everyone else had called it a night, and even some of the holo-characters had vanished from the smoky interior of Sandrine’s. Harry and Tom were at the bar finishing off their draft beers, and Chakotay stood silently beside the pool table, watching amused as his Captain swindled crewman after crewman out of their pride and their replicator rations. </p><p>He was quickly becoming entranced by this little spitfire of a woman that was dedicated to leading them back home.</p><p>Kathryn lay her cue on the table, glancing around to see if there were any new or unsuspecting victims, but all was quiet. Finally, her eyes turned to Chakotay, a sheepish smile on her face pulled his dimples into his own, “I think you’ve swindled them all, Captain. Once word of this travesty gets around, you’ll be hard pressed to find anyone to play pool with you.”</p><p>“Well, I’ll always have you, Commander.” She chuckled, glancing about the room, “This program really is remarkable. What an excellent diversion for the crew.”</p><p>“Agreed,” Chakotay glanced between Kathryn and Tom and Harry, who were currently laughing over something Sandrine had said. He was glad to see Harry enjoying himself, knowing being away from home was particularly hard on the young ensign. “Care for a drink, Captain?”</p><p>Kathryn seemed to ponder that for a moment, “Yes, I suppose one wouldn’t hurt.” She spun to face the bar again, but a wave of dizziness hit her and she had to catch herself on the corner pocket of the pool table. Chakotay was at her side in a moment, his hand closing around her bicep.</p><p>“Captain?” His look of concern gave Kathryn pause, but she waved him away with a quick smile.</p><p>“I’m fine, Commander. Just a moment of lightheadedness. I’m afraid I skipped dinner tonight and haven’t had much to drink other than coffee,” she chuckled, pressing the back of her hand to her forehead. “Perhaps I’ll call it a night instead.”</p><p>“Well then let me walk you back to your quarters. I think I’ll turn in as well.” Kathryn’s lips turned down.</p><p>“Commander, please don’t call your night early on my account. Stay and enjoy yourself. I’ll be fit as a fiddle after a good night’s sleep.” Chakotay smiled lightly.</p><p>“To be honest, Captain, I’m really not in the mood for any more frivolity. I was only asking because you seemed to be enjoying yourself.” He tugged his ear gently and Kathryn was silently warmed by the unfamiliar gesture. “I wouldn’t mind the company if you’d like to walk with me.”</p><p>Kathryn’s smile was warm as she patted him on the shoulder, “Company accepted, Commander.” She turned, slower this time, to face Tom and Harry, who were still deep in conversation. “Goodnight ensign, lieutenant. This was a wonderful evening Harry. Thank you.”</p><p>“Of course, Captain. You’re always welcome.” Both men nodded and farewells were bid between them all.</p><p>Chakotay followed Kathryn out of the holodeck as they walked silently towards the turbo lift that would take them to command crew quarters. Kathryn seemed deep in thought, and as they walked, Chakotay noticed she seemed a bit pale. Perhaps her dizziness had left her feeling more under the weather than she’d let on. He made a mental note to ask her about it tomorrow when an opportunity presented itself.</p><p>It had only been a few weeks since they had been stranded in the Delta quadrant, but Chakotay had learned quickly that Kathryn Janeway was a very open and forthright person...when she wanted to be. And when she wanted to keep things private, no amount of gentle nudging or violent prying would make her talk. </p><p>Thankfully Chakotay was paying close attention to his captain, because just as they entered the turbo lift she swooned, her entire body weaving away from him before her legs gave out. He barely had time to react; scooping her into his arms as she went unconscious. “Captain!”</p><p>She did not answer, and he could feel soft tremors in her shoulders and arms. Adrenaline coursed through him as he went into action, taking the last step into the turbo lift. “Deck five!”</p><p>Just as the doors opened Kathryn started to come to, and though it had only been a matter of seconds that she was out, she was quite groggy and didn’t seem at all aware that she was being carried. Chakotay moved carefully and quickly, pausing only for a moment to wait for the doors of sickbay to open.</p><p>“Computer, activate the EMH.” Not knowing what to do with Kathryn, since she certainly couldn’t support herself, and not knowing where the Doctor would want her, he simply held her in his arms. He watched as the Doctor appeared before him.</p><p>“Please state the nature of the medical emergency.” </p><p> </p><p>“Doctor, the Captain fainted.” The EMH jumped into action.</p><p>“On the bio-bed please, Commander.” The Doctor motioned to the nearest bed and Chakotay carefully deposited Kathryn there, feeling oddly protective as she lay fairly motionless, her eyes opening and closing as she tried to get her bearings. “Tell me what happened.”</p><p>“I’m -” she opened her eyes finally, her gaze focusing first on Chakotay and then the Doctor. “I’m fine. I just haven’t had anything to eat all day.”</p><p>“Aside from that, which we will address later, I’d prefer if the Commander tells me what happened.” Kathryn tried to glare at the Doctor, but even her normal glower was lackluster at best at the moment.”</p><p>“We were on the holodeck. The Captain was playing pool. We were just about to leave when she felt dizzy for a moment. It passed quickly, but then as we were walking to the turbolift she full on fainted. I caught her just before she hit the floor. I brought her straight here, and she was just starting to come to when we got off the lift.”</p><p>The Doctor nodded, listening as he moved about, picking up a tricorder and a hypospray. “Thank you Commander, I can take it from here.” Chakotay felt awkward suddenly, standing beside his captain as the Doctor was about to examine her, but he also felt awkward leaving her there when something might be seriously wrong. Not wanting to infringe on her privacy however, he nodded gently as he began to back away from the bio-bed.</p><p>“No, it’s alright. He can stay.” Kathryn breathed out, a bit of color coming back to her cheeks. She gave Chakotay a weak smile. “As Commanding Officer, the wellbeing of the crew is his business...even the Captain’s.” The Doctor nodded.</p><p>“Very well.” He pressed a hypospray to her neck, “Captain, have you been feeling poorly since the mission has started?”</p><p>“Not particularly. I wouldn’t say poorly. Stressed perhaps, and not sleeping extremely well. Worried for the crew.” Chakotay noticed that she didn’t mention ‘drinks too much coffee’ but he remained silent.</p><p>The Doctor continued nodding, removing the sensor from his tricorder as he activated it and moved it back and forth across her body several times. Chakotay watched the Doctor’s face as his expression morphed from one of concentration to one of trepidation. Perhaps that wasn’t the right word for it but Chakotay had an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Kathryn seemed to see it too, because she lost what little color she had in her face. “What is it Doctor?” She sat up, but realized instantly that that was a mistake as she had to grab the edge of the bio-bed as bright lights burst before her eyes as she felt woozy again. Chakotay placed a bracing hand between her shoulder blades.</p><p>“Captain, please remain still. If you want to sit up, that’s fine, but no sudden movements.” The Doctor pressed another hypospray to her neck. “This will level out your electrolytes. You are severely dehydrated, and in need of a solid night’s sleep.” He glanced uneasily at Chakotay. “It would really be better if we discussed this in private.” Kathryn glanced over at Chakotay, who looked equal parts uncomfortable and concerned.</p><p>Kathryn took a deep breath, letting it out in a measured exhalation between pursed lips. “No, if Commander Chakotay doesn’t mind, I’d rather he stay. I would no doubt be telling him all of this tomorrow anyways.” She gave him a thankful grin when he nodded gently, keeping vigil at her side.</p><p>“Alright then,” the Doctor sighed. “I have not looked over your medical history, since I only recently became chief medical officer aboard Voyager, may I ask when was the date of your last physical?” Kathryn looked slightly guilty.</p><p>“Uh, just over three weeks ago, before we left Earth.” The Doctor’s eyebrows shot up, and if the situation hadn’t been so stressful, Chakotay would have laughed at the hologram’s expression.</p><p>Clearly, the EMH was not buying her story. “Please elaborate, Captain. Did your physician go through the pre-assignment checklist in your medical dossier?”</p><p>Kathryn cringed, “She may have glossed over the finer points. It was only meant to be a three week mission, so there really was no need for specifics. She checked my blood pressure, heart rate and breathing. She asked me how I was feeling, and I felt fine.”</p><p>The Doctor pursed his lips, “Well, then these findings make sense, as does the reason your physician missed them three weeks ago.”</p><p>“What is it, Doctor? What’s wrong with me?” Chakotay felt his heart clench at her words. This was certainly not how he’d envisioned spending his evening.</p><p>“Nothing is wrong with you.” He paused for a moment before continuing, “May I ask, Captain, do you have someone waiting for you back on Earth?” That certainly wasn’t what Chakotay had expected the Doctor to ask, and it was obvious that Kathryn was just as taken aback by the question.</p><p>“Yes, my fiance, Mark.” She had a look of absolute dread on her face, and Chakotay could feel his heart hammering in his chest. “Doctor, please tell me what is going on.”</p><p>“Well, Captain, it would appear, according to these tricorder readings, that you are approximately six weeks pregnant.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A HUGE thank you to trekflower for helping me flesh this out! Best sister ever!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chakotay felt as though all the air had been pulled from his lungs, and if the look of shock on Kathryn’s face was any indication, she was feeling the same way. Her hand came to her stomach as her eyes flew wildly about the room, looking at everything and seeing nothing.</p><p>“This can’t be.” She whispered out, and Chakotay could hear the despair in her tone. The Doctor seemed nonplussed.</p><p>“It can and it is, Captain. I can let you hear the heartbeat, and even tell you the sex if you’d like.” Chakotay cringed at the EMH’s blunt words, and at the way the color drained from Kathryn’s face.</p><p>“No!” She said forcefully, still not meeting the eyes of either man. Chakotay wished he could say something to calm her nerves, or that would lend support, but he had no idea what was going on in that mind of hers, so he remained silent beside her. She still looked to be in shock, her hand still resting on her stomach. “No, I...no thank you, Doctor. Not right now.”</p><p>“Regardless of how you decide to proceed, I would recommend you begin daily prenatal nutrition. Even at six weeks, the fetus is drawing much energy and resources from your body, which is why you’ve been light headed, dizzy, and not sleeping well.” Kathryn nodded absently, her eyes finally lifting to the Doctor’s face.</p><p>“I would also suggest talking to someone about this. Perhaps the Commander here, since he is the only other person on board that knows of your...situation,” Kathryn flinched, looking quickly over at Chakotay and then back to the Doctor, her eyes wide as if she had forgotten that he was there for a moment. “But regardless of whom, you should give yourself time before making any decisions as to how to handle this pregnancy.”</p><p>Kathryn sat still for a moment, staring at a spot on the floor, her face completely unreadable. Chakotay was desperate to lend some type of comfort, some kind of support, but he didn’t feel that he knew her well enough to give an opinion or words of comfort, not to mention the fact that she had not asked for it.</p><p>“Will the Captain be able to perform all of her normal duties?” Chakotay spoke, needing to do something to break the tense silence in the room.</p><p>“Absolutely. I will insist on weekly visits to make sure electrolyte and hormone levels are all within normal parameters if she decides to keep the pregnancy, but other than that, she should be able to carry on as usual.” Chakotay nodded.</p><p>“I…” Kathryn spoke again, her hand finally dropping to the lip of the bio-bed to push herself off and back to her feet, “If there’s nothing else, I think I’ll turn in for the night.”</p><p>“I’d prefer you stay, so I can keep an eye on your blood pressure for another half hour or so, but I assume you are not interested. You are free to go, but please report back here immediately if you are feeling dizzy or lightheaded in any way. I’ll program your replicator for your daily dose of prenatal vitamins and supplemental nutrition, and would like you back in a week to check your progress, and the health of the fetus.” Kathryn nodded as she smoothed down her uniform jacket. Chakotay moved to follow her and she flinched again.</p><p>“I’m fine, Commander. I’d really prefer to be alone.” Her words stung, but he understood. However, given her state of mind and reason for being here, he didn’t think she should be alone on her walk back to her quarters.</p><p>“I know you are,” he spoke gently, almost as if trying to not spook a wild animal, “We don’t have to talk. I simply want to walk you to your quarters, to make sure you don’t pass out again.” He knew the chances of it were slim to none now that she’d been to sickbay, but for his own peace of mind, he didn’t back down.</p><p>She seemed to realize that he wouldn’t take no for an answer, and sighed softly, giving him the faintest nod. They exited sickbay together, and walked in silence towards the turbolift.</p><p>Chakotay kept his distance, but his senses were on high alert, watching for any indication that she might be feeling faint. She walked with confidence this time, however, moving with purpose as they stepped inside the lift, “Deck three,” she spoke quietly.</p><p>The lift moved them upwards, and Chakotay faced the door, watching Kathryn out of his periphery. He watched as she chewed on the inside of her bottom lip. He still wished there was something he could do or say to lighten the burden of this, as it seemed, fairly unwelcome news, but he knew her well enough to know that she was not in the mood for talking.</p><p>The doors opened to deck three, and Kathryn exited without a word, turning towards her quarters, Chakotay silently by her side. The air felt heavy and charged, and Kathryn could tell that Chakotay wanted to speak, but she was grateful that he did not. She had no idea what to think or say or do. Silence seemed the easiest choice.</p><p>They reached her door after only a moment of walking, and she finally turned to face him. “Thank you for your help, Commander. I appreciate it.” She sounded defeated, and he’d never heard that tone from her before. It was one that he hoped never to hear again.</p><p>“Of course, Captain,” she sighed at his honeyed, concerned tone. “Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you. It’s my job as your first officer, but I also consider it my job as your friend.” </p><p>She felt his words wash over her like a balm, calming her quickly fraying nerves. Though she hadn’t known him long, and still didn’t know <i>that</i> much about him, she <i>did</i> consider him a friend. She gave him a gentle smile.</p><p>“I appreciate that Commander, and I appreciate your discretion in this matter.” She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, shaking her head, “I was not prepared for this news.” Closing her eyes, she sighed again.</p><p>Chakotay cautiously lifted his hand to place it on her forearm, “I know that, but I hope you know that no matter your decision, your crew will support you. I will support you.” Her eyes flashed up to his, but he continued before she had a chance to respond. “Take your time with this, Captain. Talk it over with someone, whether it be me, the Doctor, or someone else onboard that you trust. Please don’t think you have to face this decision alone.”</p><p>She let out the air in her lungs on a defeated sigh, nodding her head, “I know, and I won’t.” She watched him for a moment, “I appreciate your candor and your support, Commander. I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”</p><p>“Good night, Captain.” He watched as she keyed in her access code and entered.</p><p>“Good night.”</p><p>=/\=</p><p>Kathryn was surprised at how well she’d slept that night. She owed it partly to the fact that the Doctor had given her a hypospray to level out her electrolytes and hormones, and she had a feeling he’d slipped something in it to relax her as well. She also figured she was emotionally exhausted; nearly too tired to even think about the possibility of a baby.</p><p>A baby…</p><p>Pushing those thoughts out of her mind, since she couldn’t afford to think about them right now, she moved to her replicator as she zipped up her uniform jacket. “Coffee, black,” she spoke before catching herself, “decaf.” She sighed as the cup appeared in the replicator. She pulled it out and took a sip. Though it was hot and familiar, it wasn’t what she wanted.</p><p>What did she want?</p><p>Shaking her head again, she set the mug down so she could pull on and fasten her boots. Once dressed and ready for her day, she left and headed towards the bridge.</p><p>She could feel Chakotay’s eyes on her time and again as they all worked on this or that. Skies were clear, and she sipped on her coffee as she looked over the energy usage reports for the last week. Chakotay was going over his own padd, moving between the bridge and his office, and everytime he came back to sit down, she felt his eyes linger on her form.</p><p>After a few moments and his continued glances she typed a message into her padd and nonchalantly handed it to him. He took it and read the message.</p><p>
  <i>I’m doing okay, and the coffee is decaf.</i>
</p><p>Chakotay chuckled softly and handed the PADD back to her with a gentle nod. He was glad that she wasn’t lost in her own mind and thoughts, at least to the point that she couldn’t crack this simple joke with him. He relaxed back into his seat, wanting to talk more about it, but knowing that it was up to her.</p><p>After a few hours, Kathryn stood up and stretched gently, “Tuvok, would you join me in my Ready Room?” The Vulcan nodded, moving away from his station. Kathryn looked back at Chakotay with a reassuring smile, “You have the bridge, Commander.”</p><p>Tuvok waited for Kathryn to walk past him before following her inside. “Can I get you something to drink, Tuvok?”</p><p>He stood awkwardly just inside the door, far enough in the room for it to close, but not far enough in to really feel like he was part of the conversation. At her request, he moved closer. “Tea, thank you.”</p><p>Kathryn requested the beverage and another coffee for herself before motioning that they sit down on the sofa. Tuvok sat stoically, watching as Kathryn fidgeted to get comfortable. Taking a sip of her coffee, she steeled her nerves, then looked up at her friend.</p><p>“Tuvok, I am afraid I find myself in a bit of a situation, and I’m in need of your council.” The slightest pinch formed between his eyebrows, the only sign of his piqued curiosity.</p><p>“Of course, Captain. You are a very valued friend. I will do whatever I can to help you.”</p><p>Kathryn nodded with a sad smile, letting herself get lost in those familiar, dark eyes for a moment. Taking a deep breath, she spoke. “I’m pregnant.”</p><p>His eyebrows flinched upwards a fraction of a millimeter in surprise, but she saw it. Other than that, his features remained impassive. He watched her for a moment before taking a sip of his tea. He was contemplating the news, analyzing it from all angles, and Kathryn appreciated that about him. He would not give a hasty response or answer. “I assume the reason for you sharing this news with me is not purely for me to offer my congratulations.” It wasn’t a question, and Kathryn nodded as she took a sip of her coffee.</p><p>“No, it’s not. I need your opinion on what I should do.” She chuckled at her own words, “Perhaps opinion is the wrong word.” She took another sip of coffee, “I just need to talk it over with someone that will help me find the best decision.”</p><p>Tuvok nodded, “So I assume your two choices are keeping the pregnancy or terminating it.” Kathryn nodded, flinching lightly at the word termination. “What are your thoughts on keeping the child?” Tuvok queried.</p><p>Kathryn took a breath, “Well, I would hate to abort this pregnancy without Mark being part of the decision. He has no idea that he may be a father, and I would hate to take that away from him without his knowledge.” She frowned, “But how can I have a child out here? From what we’ve seen so far, this is a dangerous quadrant, and I have no reason to believe that that will change any time soon.” Tuvok remained silent, letting her speak. She knew he would never interrupt her. “I don’t intend for it to take seventy years to get us home, but I don’t believe that we will be back in a week or month either.” She paused, giving Tuvok time to process, her eyes imploring that he say something now.</p><p>Tuvok took another sip of his tea before setting it down, “Captain, I have known you for a long time, so I believe I have an understanding of your character. While I do not know your fiance, or your relationship with him, I do know that you would not enter into a marriage lightly, and any child created from your union would only enrich your life.” He paused, “I believe, that having a child or not having a child should not be dictated by our being in the Delta quadrant. I will agree that we have run into dangerous situations, but that can be said for any part of space, or any planet.</p><p>“One can never predict how life is going to turn out, or when the right moment is to procreate. There is no preparing for it. But I will say that I believe a child would only enrich your life. I know that, though I was not prepared for fatherhood, I have found raising my children to be a very satisfying part of my life.”</p><p>Kathryn felt emotion burning her eyes at his words. She knew that Tuvok didn’t share information about his personal life lightly, and she knew that he wouldn’t lie. “Oh, Tuvok. I appreciate that very much. It certainly puts things in a...happier perspective.” He nodded.</p><p>“May I also add that I believe you will be an excellent mother if you choose to keep the child, and I also believe that the crew of Voyager will enjoy helping and supporting you in any way that they can if you choose to go ahead with your pregnancy.”</p><p>Before either of them was prepared for it, Kathryn leaned forward and pulled Tuvok into a hug. Though he did not return the gesture, he held still and allowed Kathryn to wrap her arms around him. “Oh, Tuvok. You have no idea how much that means to me.” She felt several tears escape, sliding down her cheeks to land on the shoulder of his uniform.</p><p>He held still until she finally pulled away, her eyes glistening with emotions. She looked into his eyes and chuckled at his impassive if not slightly uncomfortable face. She was glad for her own sake that he was at least tolerant of her emotions at a time like this. </p><p>“I take it you are feeling better about the situation?” He spoke, reaching for his tea again as if they had only been talking about the weather. She smiled, reaching for her own coffee. It wasn’t hot anymore, but just holding the mug was comforting.</p><p>“Yes, I am. I appreciate your insight. It gives me a lot to think about.” She grinned at her friend again.</p><p>Tuvok nodded, watching as she took a sip of her coffee. “Captain, if I may interject, I believe caffeine consumption is not healthy for the fetus.” Kathryn chuckled, setting her mug down.</p><p>“You may, but you have nothing to worry about. It’s decaf.” She grinned and took another sip. “I appreciate you, Tuvok, and I appreciate you talking this over with me. I only found out last night, and you and Commander Chakotay are the only two that know about it. I would prefer to keep it that way for the time being.”</p><p>Tuvok nodded, that wrinkle appearing between his brows again, “May I ask, if you are willing to answer, why you did not have this conversation with Commander Chakotay? As a human himself, he would be better able to discuss and understand your emotional state of being.”</p><p>Kathryn placed a hand gently on his arm, “I don’t have the relationship with him that I do with you. I trust your judgement more than anyone I’ve ever met, and your council and advice mean the world to me.”</p><p>Tuvok paused for a moment, “I appreciate that, Captain. It is an honor to know that you hold my opinion in such high regard.”</p><p>“I do,” she sighed, glancing at the ready room door. “Thank you, Tuvok.”</p><p>“You are welcome. I know that you will make the right decision, for yourself and your child.” At that he stood up and exited her ready room, knowing their conversation was finished.</p><p>Kathryn sat frozen.</p><p>
  <i>your child…</i>
</p><p>As soon as the words registered in her mind, she pictured a baby in her mind’s eye. Would it look more like her, or like Mark? Was it a boy or a girl? Would it grow up on Voyager, surrounded by the crew that would become its family, or would they make it back to Earth so the child could meet its father?</p><p>All of these images hit her like a force, and she felt light headed for a moment. Taking a slow, deep breath, she closed her eyes and pressed her hand to her stomach. It was such an odd thing; there was no evidence that she was pregnant, but just a few inches beneath her palm, a life was thriving.</p><p>A life that depended on her. A life that needed her.</p><p>Grinning to herself, feeling fresh tears at the thought of a baby, she moved to her computer, finishing her coffee as she sat down. Powering on her computer, she sent a message to the pop up console beside Chakotay.</p><p>
  <i>Would you care to join me for dinner this evening, Commander? I have some things I’d like to discuss with you.</i>
</p><p>She waited only a few minutes for a reply.</p><p>
  <i>Certainly. May I suggest my quarters? I’ll cook. 1900?</i>
</p><p>She smiled to herself at his gesture. Was he already aware that she was a lousy cook? With a chuckle, she typed a quick message back.</p><p>
  <i>See you then.</i>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kathryn stood in front of her mirror, smoothing down the fabric of her blue sweater. She breathed out a nervous sigh as she took in her appearance. Chakotay had commed her an hour ago and requested no uniforms, wanting this to be an informal dinner. Though it made her relax, knowing that he wanted to leave the Captain and Commander at the door, it set her nerves on edge for reasons she couldn’t and didn't want to dive too deeply into.</p><p>She didn’t want to be <i>too</i> casual, since they were still going to talk about some very serious topics, so she had opted for an oversized sweater and leggings. Her normal off duty outfits were dresses, but that seemed too much like what she’d wear on a date, and that wasn’t what this was either. Shaking her head at her ridiculousness and overthinking, she turned away from the mirror, slipping on her shoes and exiting her quarters.</p><p>“Perfect timing,” Chakotay spoke as the door opened. He stood beside the replicator, taking a steaming dish from the receiving tray. “The pasta just finished.”</p><p>He looked the epitome of comfortable as he moved towards the table with the food. He wore a black t-shirt and blue jeans, and a serene expression on his face. “Thank you for coming, Captain.”</p><p>She chuckled as she moved towards the table, “Thank you for offering. I have to admit I am a terrible cook, so the prospect of eating a meal that I didn’t have the opportunity to ruin was a welcome one.” She watched as he shifted a salad aside to make room for the pasta. The table was set beautifully; he’d made pasta and garlic bread and a lovely caesar salad. He motioned for her to sit down, taking the seat across from her.</p><p>“Well, I’m glad you wanted to get together. I have to admit it was hard today, not having the chance to ask you how you were doing. I’m assuming you called Tuvok into your ready room to tell him about,” he glanced at her stomach, not knowing exactly what term or phrase to use. Kathryn gave him a soft smile.</p><p>“I did,” she took a sip from her water glass, “I needed some perspective from someone that wouldn’t attach any emotions to it,” Kathryn paused, realizing it sounded like she didn’t want Chakotay’s advice or council, “That’s not to say I don’t value your opinion or take on the situation,” she felt her cheeks grow warm.</p><p>“It’s fine, Captain. Tuvok is a wonderful source for perspective. When he was part of my crew, I often went to him for council and advice on a lot of different issues.” He motioned to the food between them, “Please, help yourself.”</p><p>They were silent for a time, loading their plates with all of the wonderfully smelling food that Chakotay had prepared. Chakotay kept throwing glances at Kathryn as she tasted everything, grinning when she gave her approval.</p><p>“So what exactly did you want to discuss this evening?” Chakotay broke the ice a bit, though it was a ridiculous question; they both knew what she wanted to talk about.</p><p>Kathryn took a deep breath through her nose as she finished chewing her bite of salad, “Well, firstly I want to go back to yesterday, and thank you for coming to my rescue, and for assisting me in getting to sickbay. I was a bit in shock and didn’t thank you properly.”</p><p>“Captain, you have nothing to thank me for. It’s my duty as your first officer to watch out for your safety, and, as <i>I hope</i>, your friend.”</p><p>“Thank you, Commander. I do consider you a friend, and I appreciate that you are even willing to have that and this conversation with me. It’s certainly not one I had ever expected to have with a first officer of mine.” He chuckled at that. “And yet here we are.”</p><p>“Can I ask you something, Captain?”</p><p>“Kathryn, please, Chakotay. We are off duty, and this certainly isn’t an official conversation.” Something unreadable flashed in his dark eyes.</p><p>“Alright...Kathryn, I am pleased that you trust me to continue to discuss this situation with me, but I’m curious...why me? I’m sure Tuvok would be willing to continue your conversation today.”</p><p>“I’m sure he would, and I’m sure I will continue to seek his advice going forward, but as much as I appreciate his feedback, I also appreciate a bit more of a…<i>human</i> conversation too,” she chuckled, “does that make sense?”</p><p>Chakotay smiled, “It does, and I appreciate that you trust me, to discuss this or anything else on your mind.” He took another bite of food, waiting to see what else she might say.</p><p>Kathryn took a sip of her water, “I’ve been thinking a lot about this pregnancy, and though I can think of dozens of reasons to eliminate it now,” she smiled, “I’ve decided to keep it.”</p><p>Chakotay wanted to say several different things at once, but very much wanted to let her finish talking. He couldn’t, however, help the smile that graced his lips at her words.</p><p>“I can only imagine the struggle it will be trying to raise a child <i>alone</i> in the Delta quadrant, but this child that Mark and I created deserves a chance to be born. And I’m hoping that we will get back to Earth in time for Mark to meet his child.”</p><p>Chakotay nodded, “Though I don’t know Mark, I do know you, at least somewhat, and I know that any child born to a mother as tenacious as you is one lucky child. And you’re not alone, Kathryn. I can think of around one hundred and fifty people who would be happy to help you.”</p><p>“You think Lieutenant Torres would really be interested in helping me raise my child?” Kathryn asked with a gentle chuckle, bringing Chakotay’s dimples into his cheeks.</p><p>“Well, some may be a bit more willing than others, but if it came down to it...yes, she would. And I can guarantee my support, in whatever you need, Kathryn.” </p><p>Kathryn took a moment to look at him...to really look at him. She really didn’t know that much about him, save from his Starfleet dossier, and what she’d learned from Tuvok’s debriefing. All indications were that he was a good man. Though she didn’t know his favorite beverage, she knew the way his eyes twinkled when someone said something funny. She didn’t know the history of his tattoo, but she already knew his voice, and the many inflections it could hold depending on his mood. She didn’t know anything about his family, but she knew the touch of his hand, the kindness in his eyes, and his gentle nature. </p><p>“I appreciate that more than I can tell you, Chakotay. It makes this prospect a lot less daunting, knowing that I have your support.”</p><p>He leaned back in his seat, taking in the small woman across from him, “Why is that? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m flattered that you hold me in such high regard, but I’m just curious...why me?”</p><p>Kathryn furrowed her brow as if the question was either ludicrous or the answer obvious, but either way, she hadn’t really been expecting him to ask that. “I just...I feel like I know you. In our short time together, I have learned a great deal about your character, and I consider you a friend. I am looking forward to that friendship growing, and I hope that you feel the same.”</p><p>Chakotay felt emotions burn in his eyes. Reaching across the table, he took her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze, “Thank you, Kathryn. I very much value the friendship that we have, and I too look forward to it growing as we continue our personal and professional lives together.” He gave her hand another squeeze before letting go.</p><p>The rest of their meal passed in mostly silence and small talk. Chakotay learned that Kathryn used to take ballet lessons, and Kathryn found out that Chakotay’s crooked nose came from a fistfight with a bully when he was eleven. They both spoke briefly of home, sharing stories of happier times.</p><p>Kathryn set down her fork after forcing the last few bites into her overly full stomach, “Chakotay that was delicious. Where did you learn to cook?”</p><p>“Mostly from my mother, and I picked up a few things here and there.”</p><p>Kathryn leaned back in her seat, feeling full and comfortable, resting a hand on her stomach. Glancing down, she thought about the life there, growing just a few inches below her touch. “It’s so odd,” Kathryn looked down at her hand.</p><p>“What is? Are you alright?” Chakotay immediately leaned forward to try to gauge her expression.</p><p>“It’s just...the Doctor told me I’m pregnant, and I guess the timing makes sense, but it just doesn’t really feel real.”</p><p>Chakotay watched her for a moment; watched her watching her stomach. It was true; there was no outward evidence of her pregnancy. “Why don’t you go to sickbay? The Doctor said yesterday that he could let you hear the heartbeat. He could even tell you the sex of the baby. Doesn’t get much more real than that.”</p><p>Kathryn pursed her lips as she thought about that before standing up. “Alright, let’s go.”</p><p>Chakotay’s eyes went wide, but he stood up as well, dropping his napkin on his plate, “Are you sure you want me to tag along? This is kind of a private thing, isn’t it?”</p><p>She cocked her head as she looked up at him, “Maybe, but you were there when I found out that I’m pregnant. It seems only right that you be there for this too.” She smiled up at him, “As my friend, will you come with me?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>=/\=</p><p>“Computer, activate the EMH,” Kathryn spoke as the doors closed to sickbay. The Doctor materialized before them.</p><p>“Please state the nature of the medical emergency,” he looked around, his eyes landing on the pair of officers, “Ah, good evening Captain, Commander.” His smile quickly morphed into a frown, “Captain, are you feeling poorly?” Kathryn gave him a smile.</p><p>“Not at all, Doctor. On the contrary, I wanted to come down here to tell you I’ve decided to keep the baby.” The Doctor’s face morphed back into a smile.</p><p>“That’s wonderful news, Captain. I am assuming then that you’d like a full prenatal examination?” Chakotay watched some of the color drain from Kathryn’s face, but she kept her emotions at bay.</p><p>“I would, if you have time.” The Doctor nodded, moving Kathryn towards the nearest bio-bed. “Uh, Doctor, could we perhaps have a bit more privacy?” The Doctor furrowed his brow, but nodded, indicating the bio-bed in the corner, next to the surgical bay. Once she and Chakotay were situated next to it, the Doctor keyed in several commands and a privacy screen erected around them.</p><p>“Let me collect a few instruments, and I’ll be right back.” The Doctor moved around the screen, leaving Chakotay and Kathryn alone.</p><p>“Would you rather I wait outside?” Chakotay indicated gently with a nod of the head, not at all wanting to invade her privacy. Kathryn sat down on the bio-bed, and Chakotay silently marveled at how far her feet were from the floor.</p><p>“Actually, if you don’t mind, I’d rather you stay. Now that I’m going ahead with this, I want to share it with someone...if you don’t mind.”</p><p>“Of course not. It’s very exciting, Kathryn.” He gave her a genuine smile, moving to stand out of the way.</p><p>The Doctor came back with a medical tricorder, a thin, round device that she didn’t recognize, another hypospray and a padd. “Alright, Captain, please lie back.”</p><p>Kathryn did as she was asked. Chakotay watched as the Doctor scanned her first with the tricorder, “Mmhm, you are roughly six weeks along, so I estimate your due date right in the middle of November. It will be easier to get an exact date as your pregnancy progresses.” Chakotay chuckled gently and Kathryn looked up at him.</p><p>“If the baby is born on the nineteenth, we will share a birthday,” he shrugged lightly, but Kathryn grinned up at him.</p><p>“All of the baby's measurements are exactly where we want to see them, and everything appears normal. Would you like to know the sex?”</p><p>Kathryn nodded, “Yes, I think I would.” The Doctor nodded, taking hold of the small circular device.</p><p>“Please raise your shirt and expose your abdomen.” He placed the small piece of metal on her stomach and switched it on. Immediately a soft, fluttery sound filled the air around them. Chakotay’s mouth dropped open and Kathryn felt tears burn her eyes. “The heartbeat is strong, and just where we want it; roughly one hundred and fifteen beats per minute.”</p><p>“It’s so fast,” Chakotay spoke, not looking for an answer, just making the comment as he took a step forward.</p><p>The Doctor pressed another button on the device and the Doctor looked at his medical tricorder, “Captain, I am happy to report that you are expecting an extremely healthy baby boy.”</p><p>Kathryn closed her eyes at the onslaught of emotions, several tears slipping out across her temples and into her hair. She pressed her hand to her mouth as she pictured a little boy in her mind. A strawberry blonde boy with her blue eyes and Mark’s smile. She wished he was here to experience this with her. She opened her eyes to see Chakotay absolutely beaming down at her, “Congratulations, Kathryn.” </p><p>She chuckled out a soft sob, “Thank you.”</p><p>“Using genetic markers I can project an image of what your child will look like at birth, if you care to see.”</p><p>Kathryn pressed her lips together, but then shook her head with a soft smile, “No, I think I’d rather that be a surprise.” The Doctor nodded, taking the disc off of her stomach. Chakotay was oddly disappointed that Kathryn had turned down the image of her son. He was curious what the boy would look like.</p><p>“You may sit up now.” The Doctor handed her the small device, “You can use this any time you like to hear the baby’s heartbeat.” He handed her the padd as well. “I have downloaded information for you to read; what to expect from your pregnancy week by week. Of course every pregnancy is a bit different, and if you experience anything out of the ordinary, or if something doesn’t feel right, please come to me immediately.” She nodded. “I’ve also synthesized a hypospray to alleviate any morning sickness you might experience. I’ve sent the specifications to your replicator as well, but it’s nice to have one ready to go if the occasion calls for it.</p><p>“Be sure you get three square meals a day, and drink plenty of water.”</p><p>“What about caffeine consumption? I know the Captain enjoys her coffee.” Chakotay spoke, and Kathryn looked up at him with a grin, pleased at his thoughtfulness.</p><p>“Moderation is key there. One cup a day, most days would be alright, but no more. Avoid it if you can, but one cup won’t hurt.” Kathryn sighed with a smile, wiping her eyes as the Doctor moved to put the tricorder away.</p><p>“When will I start to show?” Kathryn took the Doctor cleaning up as her cue to get up from the bio-bed.</p><p>“With your size, I wouldn’t be surprised if <i>you</i> start to notice in the next three to four weeks. You will be able to conceal it under your uniform a few weeks after that, but then I’m afraid the cat will be out of the bag.” Kathryn nodded, placing a hand on her flat stomach once again.</p><p>“Thank you, Doctor. Is there anything else I need to know or do right now?”</p><p>“You need to take care of yourself. I understand that in your position that isn’t always easy, but no unnecessary risks that could put your health or the baby’s health in jeopardy. Do your best to get adequate sleep, and I suggest you get some sort of support system in place; a group of people that you can talk to about how you are feeling, and what you are thinking.”</p><p>Kathryn nodded, “Well obviously Commander Chakotay knows, and I spoke with Mr. Tuvok earlier today. I think I’m covered in that department.”</p><p>“I would also suggest telling Kes of your situation. She will most likely be here during some or most of your prenatal visits, and will assist me in the delivery of your child when the time comes.”</p><p>“Of course, but please let me tell her. I will have to make an announcement to the entire crew before too long.”</p><p>“Whatever you like, Captain. The news is yours to share however you choose. But I believe it is appropriate now for me to wish you congratulations.”</p><p>Kathryn and Chakotay both chuckled at the Doctor’s attempt at sincerity. She was absolutely sure he meant it, but his emotional subroutines were still a bit rusty when it came to delivering such emotions. “Thank you, Doctor. I appreciate that.”</p><p>“I’d like to see you for monthly visits going forward, to check the growth and development of the fetus, and to check your health as well, but please come here immediately if something is amiss.” Kathryn nodded. The Doctor pressed several commands and the privacy screen disappeared. “Don’t forget to end my program before you leave.”</p><p>=/\=</p><p>“Thank you for coming with me tonight, Chakotay,” Kathryn spoke as they rounded the bend towards her quarters, “I don’t want you to think I’m somehow using you in place of Mark,” she frowned at her own words, “I just don’t want you to think that I’m taking advantage of our friendship. I know you’re <i>not</i> Mark...it just somehow felt right, having you there.” She pursed her lips, not at all thrilled with the way her thoughts were forming into words. “I’m ruining this,” she covered her face with her hands.</p><p>“Kathryn,” he spoke gently, “I know I’m not Mark, and <i>you</i> know I’m not Mark. I would never try to be, and I hope you would never want me to try to be,” her mouth dropped open to answer but he touched her arm gently, “What I want to be is your friend; someone you can rely on and share things with. It would be an honor to help you through this pregnancy in any way that I can. In any way that you’ll let me.” He grinned as they reached her door. </p><p>“Thank you, Chakotay.” She typed in her door lock code, stepping inside when the door opened. She looked like she wanted to say more, but Chakotay wasn’t sure she should.</p><p>“Well,” he didn’t give her the chance, “I hope you and your son have a good night’s sleep,” Chakotay spoke, his dimples pressing into his cheeks when she placed a hand on her stomach, her own lips turning up in a smile, her eyes shining.</p><p>“See you in the morning,” she whispered out. He nodded and walked back towards his own quarters. She stayed in the doorway, watching him until he rounded the bend and disappeared from view. She moved back then, closing her door, her smile never leaving her face.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am still totally shocked that this story has gotten so much traction, since it's so different. I am thrilled that you are liking it so far. Please let me know what you think if you have a chance...reviews are food for my writing soul, and I treasure each and every comment! xoxo</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Several weeks passed after their visit to sickbay and Kathryn’s discovery of the imminent arrival of her son. She was lucky in that she didn’t experience many of the common side effects from the first trimester of pregnancy, and aside from a bit of nausea some mornings, she was feeling much better. She knew it was from her morning prenatal hyposprays and Chakotay’s insistence that she find time for three meals a day. After a few days of his gentle insistence, it became habit, and soon he didn’t have to remind her at all. The only thing she really missed was her coffee. She limited herself to one cup a day...sometimes two when she could sneak it in, but knew that any more than that wouldn’t be healthy for her child.</p><p>Though she wasn’t showing yet, she knew she would have to make an announcement to the crew before too long, but wanted to wait a bit longer. She knew it was superstition, and had no medical or logical founding, but she wanted to wait until she was into her second trimester before she spilled the beans to the crew. Aside from The Doctor, Chakotay, and Tuvok, no one aboard Voyager knew that they were expecting a little crew member in another seven or so months.</p><p>Kathryn was just sitting down to lunch in her ready room, looking over several padds that B’Elanna had sent up from engineering when her door chime went off. Not looking up from her reading, she bade whoever it was to enter.</p><p>“Here are the rest of the scans of the warp core, Captain,” Chakotay spoke as he entered, holding three more padds in his hands. Kathryn finally looked up, smiling in acknowledgement as she took the reading material.</p><p>“Thank you, Commander. I’m sure B’Elanna is happy to have all of the scans completed and everyone out of her engine room.” Chakotay chuckled.</p><p>“I’m sure you’re probably right. I know after the fourth time she growled at me to get out of engineering, those diagnostic scans couldn’t be completed fast enough.” Kathryn cringed.</p><p>“I’m sorry you had to face her wrath,” she set the padd down and took a bite of her sandwich, nodding for Chakotay to have a seat.</p><p>“I’ve had to face her wrath on many occasions. I’ve grown accustomed to it after all these years. Besides, she secretly loves it; being in charge of the engine room. She wouldn’t have it any other way.”</p><p>Kathryn nodded, looking over all three padds that Chakotay had brought to her before taking another bite of her sandwich. “Would you like the other half, Commander?” She held up her plate.</p><p>“No, thank you, Captain. I’m meeting Seska and B’Elanna for lunch after alpha shift,” Chakotay said with a smile.</p><p>“Alright, well I’ll let you get back to the bridge then. Let me know if Mr. Kim finds anything interesting during his subspace scans.” Chakotay nodded, standing up.</p><p>“Aye aye, Captain,” his dimples pressed into his cheeks as he smiled before exiting her ready room.</p><p>Harry Kim did indeed find something interesting during his subspace scans, and before long, the entire ship was buzzing with the prospect of a wormhole. Kathryn had gladly altered Voyager’s course for a closer look, and Ensign Kim had never looked prouder. Spirits were high for the remainder of the day, and Kathryn herself couldn’t stop smiling at the prospect of getting home soon. They would be in range of the worm hole by the next morning, but she wasn’t sure she’d be able to sleep a wink that night in anticipation of what they might find tomorrow.</p><p>She thrilled at the idea that she might be able to see Mark soon; to tell him that he was going to be a father...that they were going to be parents. She hoped he would be pleased. They hadn’t yet had these kind of discussions...discussions about starting a family, but she hoped he would be happy. She knew he would be a wonderful father, and she hoped they were home in time for him to fall into that role. Getting ready for bed, her mind whirled with all of the things she wanted to say to him.</p><p>=/\=</p><p>Chakotay lay awake in bed that night, unable to sleep as his mind drifted from one thing to another, so he decided to go for a walk. Moving Seska’s hand off his chest, he slid out of bed carefully, trying not to wake the Bajoran woman up. He pulled on a green linen shirt and his leather pants and boots before affixing his comm badge to his vest. Pulling that on as well, he moved silently to the door and exited.</p><p>He thought vaguely about going down to the holodecks, but he wasn’t much in the mood for any of his boxing programs. He normally used those to blow off steam, but he’d been using Seska for that outlet as of late. For whatever reason now, as his mind wandered to her, he felt his lips drop into a frown. Pushing her out of his mind, his thoughts traveled to the wormhole that they were in search of, and what it might mean if it was stable and traversable, and led to a desirable location. Perhaps it wouldn’t take them three quarters of a century to get home after all.</p><p>It would be wonderful to see his sister again. It was several months before he’d taken his ship into the Badlands since he’d last spoken to his sister, and hadn’t seen her properly for even longer. He missed her gentle soul and calming presence.</p><p>But returning to the Alpha quadrant also meant facing Starfleet and the metaphorical hangman’s noose. He and his crew would have to answer for their supposed crimes, and for that, he was <i>not</i> looking forward to their return. While the Delta quadrant had its own set of difficulties and stresses, it was freeing in a way he’d never known...being in an uncharted part of space. Everyone was able to reinvent themselves in a way, and Chakotay found that extremely appealing, and he knew many of his former crew did as well.</p><p>Taking the lift down to the bowels of the ship, he decided to walk a few laps around, knowing he would not run into anyone on duty. As he moved forward, his thoughts drifted to his captain. Captain Janeway would no doubt be thrilled at the prospect of getting home soon, for many reasons. She would return to Starfleet a hero, having completed her mission and conquering the Delta quadrant in the process. She would be able to turn his crew over and receive a pat on the back and a commendation for it.</p><p>And she would be able to have her child on Earth, with her fiance by her side. He smiled at the thought, knowing Captain Janeway would much prefer her child be brought into the safety of the world she’d grown up in, not in the uncharted far reaches of potentially dangerous space.</p><p>As he rounded the corner, he ran headlong into the woman he’d just been thinking about. Kathryn gave a startled gasp as his hands moved out to grasp her arms, keeping her upright as she bounced backwards. “Captain, I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect to find anyone here at this hour.”</p><p>Kathryn chuckled, shaking her head to seemingly clear her mind of her confusion at the sudden intrusion to her walk, “No, it was my fault. I wasn’t watching where I was going, for the same reason I suppose.” He noticed that she wore a blue linen dress, and a cream colored shawl about her shoulders, and her hair was down. He’d never seen her so informal, but he would be loath to say he didn’t like it. “What brings you down here in the middle of the night?”</p><p>Chakotay tugged his ear, “Ah, I couldn’t sleep, and thought a few laps around might clear my head. You?”</p><p>Kathryn began walking again, turning ever so slightly to invite Chakotay to join her, “Heartburn I’m afraid. It’s gotten worse the last week or so. Seems I can’t sleep more than a few hours before it wakes me up.”</p><p>Chakotay furrowed his brow as he looked at his captain, “I’m sure the Doctor can give you something for that.” Kathryn nodded, a far away look in her eyes.</p><p>“No doubt, but I don’t want to seek a cure for every ailment, ache and pain. I’m pregnant, not an invalid,” she chuckled as she thought about it, “It may seem silly, but feeling the different effects of the pregnancy makes it feel more real. Since I’m not showing yet…” she blushed slightly, “It’s just a little reminder that he’s actually there.”</p><p>Chakotay nodded as they rounded the bulkhead together, moving back towards the port side of the ship, “I suppose I can understand that, but promise me you’ll seek out the Doctor if it gets to the point that you lose too much sleep. It wouldn’t do for the ship’s first officer to know that the captain is ill and do nothing about it.”</p><p>“I promise,” she smiled up at him again. They walked in silence after that for a time, each working over their own unspoken thoughts. Kathryn’s mind kept landing on Mark, and how she ached to tell him about the baby, and Chakotay’s mind went from their potential homecoming, to his sister and back to Kathryn. He couldn’t explain it, but a pang of sadness hit him at the idea that if they got home soon, he wouldn’t be there when Kathryn’s son was born. Though he had absolutely no claim to it, he’d begun to picture her as a mother, and his role as her friend aboard Voyager would no doubt have him in the child’s life in some respect, even if it was playing the occasional babysitter. He’d pictured scenarios in his mind’s eye, and now that that prospect might be taken away...it made him sad. “What are you thinking, Chakotay?”</p><p>He smiled, directing them down the corridor and towards the turbolift. Now that he knew the reason behind the captain’s late night stroll, he wanted to get her back to her quarters so hopefully she would be well rested when they reached the wormhole.</p><p>“Oh, just thinking about what it might mean if the wormhole is everything we hope it to be.” Kathryn didn’t respond, waiting for him to elaborate. “I just...if we get back soon, I wonder what that will mean for my former crew.”</p><p>Kathryn nodded solemnly, “Chakotay, if we get back to Earth soon, I promise you nothing will happen to your crew. I will make sure of it.” Chakotay stopped to face her, appreciating her ardor.</p><p>“I appreciate that, Kathryn, but you can’t possibly know that for sure.”</p><p>“Chakotay, if I can’t stop Starfleet from court marshalling you all, then I’ll be in prison right along with you.” That brought Chakotay’s dimples into view.</p><p>“I hardly doubt they will let a pregnant Starfleet Captain serve a term with a rogue Maquis crew.” Kathryn chuckled at that, slapping his arm gently.</p><p>“You’re probably right, but I have friends in high places. I’ll keep your crew…<i>our</i> crew, safe. You have my word.”</p><p>Though Chakotay knew she couldn’t promise miracles, he could see the conviction in her eyes, and appreciated her zeal. Holding out his hand, he took hers gently, shaking it, “I appreciate it, Kathryn.” They stepped onto the turbo lift when the door opened, Chakotay calling out for deck three. “What about you?” She furrowed her brow in confusion. “What were you thinking, walking in the middle of the night?”</p><p>“Oh, just wondering how I would tell Mark about the baby, that is, if we get home in time for me to tell him,” her eyes drifted off as her mind revisited the idea, “We’d never spoken about having children, so I’m not sure how I could tell him about it if I had the chance. We certainly weren’t trying to get pregnant.” Chakotay nodded.</p><p>“Well, I suggest we both take everything one day at a time. It won’t do to get our hopes up too much. This wormhole may lead even farther from home than we are now.”</p><p>“Agreed. I’ve been thinking that too. We’ve made a significant detour to explore this wormhole. I’m afraid of the disappointment the crew might face if the journey ends up being for nothing.” Chakotay could understand her concern; as first officer, he felt it too.</p><p>“I know what you mean, but they are still getting the chance to explore parts of space that no one from the Alpha quadrant has had a chance to see. They should consider themselves lucky...but you let me worry about the crew, alright?” The lift door opened to deck three and they both exited.</p><p>“How did I get so lucky to have such a thoughtful and knowing first officer?”</p><p>“You just had to force him to blow up his own ship so he had no choice but to follow you.” She laughed at that, and he was glad to see a bit of sparkle in her eyes. Before long they stood before the door to her quarters. “Well, I hope you can get some sleep now. Perhaps some milk with honey if the heartburn persists.” Kathryn’s lips quirked in a soft, lopsided grin.</p><p>“I appreciate that, Chakotay. Thank you for the walk, and the conversation.”</p><p>“Of course. Pleasant dreams, Captain.”</p><p>“Good night, Chakotay,” she keyed in her access code and the door opened. She gave him a soft smile before the door shut between them. Chakotay made his way back to his quarters, around the bend of deck three, relieved when he found his bed empty. No doubt Seska had gone back to her own quarters, and he was glad of it.</p><p>Laying down, he thought back over his conversation with Kathryn, hearing her voice in his mind as he finally drifted off to sleep.</p><p>=/\=</p><p>Kathryn was speechless. Staring at a photo of Mark and Mollie, she couldn’t believe the way their luck was finally turning.</p><p>They might actually get home…</p><p>Kathryn was elated at the fact that not only did the wormhole lead to the alpha quadrant, but it seemed as though Telek R’Mor was willing to help them get messages to their families...or at least willing to try.</p><p>She had spoken to him in the middle of the night, and pleaded her case with him. He’d been cold and callous at first, but had warmed to the idea, and after several more discussions, he’d agreed to petition his government for the use of his ship and computers to relay messages from Voyager’s crew to their families.</p><p>Her heart had ached when he’d spoken of his young daughter, born while he was still in deep space. She nearly told him of her own pregnancy, but bit her tongue at the last moment, since she was still keeping it a secret from all but a Chakotay and a few others, though she could feel the former’s presence behind her like a sort of safety blanket...at least he knew what she was feeling. He knew she was relating to R’Mor on more than one level.</p><p>She had just given the command to Chakotay to have the crew begin recording their messages when B’Elanna came off the turbo lift out of breath and bubbling with excited energy.</p><p>They might be able to use the visual link between Telek R’Mor’s ship and Voyager to ‘piggy back’ a transport signal through the wormhole.</p><p>They might actually be able to beam to his ship and get back home. Kathryn felt her hands tremble as she looked at the photo now. She could practically hear Mollie’s excited barking...feel Mark’s arm around her shoulder. Stifling a sudden sob, she pressed her lips together to keep her emotions at bay. Pregnant or not...elated or not...she was still the captain and still needed to keep things moving forward.</p><p>Preparations were quickly made, and even while the crew began recording their messages home, B’Elanna and Harry began working to transport a test cylinder back and forth through the wormhole. It didn’t take long before the Romulan Captain held the cylinder in his hands before it was beamed back.</p><p>Morale was high to nearly overflowing as, despite an odd phase variance between R’Mor’s ship and Voyager, test transport after test transport was successful. Kathryn was nearly climbing the walls in her ready room the next day, waiting for the final preparations before the last test transport…</p><p>...R’Mor was going to beam to Voyager. If it was successful, they’d begin procedures to evacuate Voyager’s crew. When Chakotay came and got her, letting her know they were ready, she wanted to sprint to the transporter room.</p><p>It was only a few minutes later, and there he was...in the flesh. Telek greeted them all, seemingly happy himself that the transport worked. Kathryn had just given the order to begin evacuation procedures when Tuvok spoke the words she’d never expected to hear…</p><p>“I’m afraid I found the reason for the unusual phase variance.” He almost looked forlorn. Kathryn felt her heart drop.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“Captain,” he spoke to the Romulan, “what year is it?”</p><p>The Romulan looked positively stimeyed, not understanding the reason for the question, “By your calendar, the year is 2351.”</p><p>Kathryn’s stomach felt heavy as her eyes traveled from the Romulan to Tuvok before her gaze settled on Chakotay. There was confusion and trepidation in his own dark eyes. “But...this is 2371.”</p><p>It took everything Kathryn had in her to keep herself on her feet. She listened to the conversation around her, but she knew the truth of it.  The Romulan Captain had come from twenty years in the past.</p><p>They wouldn’t be able to transport home, though he did agree to take their messages back with him, and give them to Starfleet when the time was right. With a sigh, she thanked him, and headed back to her quarters to prepare a message.</p><p>It was several hours later, after R’Mor had beamed back to his own ship that the final reality of the situation hit home, when Tuvok shared that Telek R’Mor had died nearly four years ago…</p><p>...their messages would never reach their destination.</p><p>=/\=</p><p>Kathryn sat on her sofa, staring at a spot of carpet in the corner that was lifting from the floor near the wall. She’d been staring at it for the last hour...maybe more. Her hand rested on her stomach as her mind drifted listlessly. She didn’t hear the door chime at first, so lost she was in her own thoughts. The door chimed a second time, and it finally roused her back to the present. “Come in.”</p><p>Chakotay stood at her door, his own expression sad but sympathetic and she immediately felt ashamed. She wasn’t the only one who’d lost an opportunity today. Her entire crew had gotten their hopes up, first to get home, and then at least to send messages to their loved ones. All of their hopes had been dashed...not just hers. Chakotay entered and the door shut behind him, “How are you, Kathryn?”</p><p>She sat up a bit, her hand still absently caressing her stomach. “I’m fine. Just having a little pity party I suppose,” she noted the solemn expression on his face, “And I’m sure I’m not the only one.” She let out a sigh, “I feel awful for the crew. How are they handling everything?” Her eyes lifted to his, not sure she wanted to know the answer. Nodding to the empty spot beside herself, Chakotay sat down.</p><p>“Well, a lot of them are keeping to themselves. It’s been a let down for everyone, but they all know that we’ll get home. It’s only been a few months, and look at all we’ve accomplished already. We’ve already made great strides towards Earth, and we’ll get there.”</p><p>Kathryn couldn’t help the smile that tugged her lips at his words. Taking his hand, she gave it a gentle squeeze, “What would I do without your positivity, Chakotay?” He smiled himself, but his face turned serious again.</p><p>“I’m sorry you didn’t get to let Mark know about the baby. That has to be the biggest let down of all.”</p><p>Kathryn’s eyes turned sad again, but there was a resolve there that Chakotay could see forming. “I had actually decided not to tell him,” she let out a sigh. “I’m going to do everything in my power to get this ship and her crew home in less than seventy five years, but at the same time, I have to live with the reality that it might take us that long.” She brushed a tear from her cheek, glad at least to be able to show her emotions in front of Chakotay without fear of judgement or of him seeing her as weak. Her eyes lifted to his again and she saw such compassion there it nearly took her breath away, “If Mark were to find out now that he has a son on the way, he would never give up on me...on us.”</p><p>“And that’s a bad thing?” Chakotay questioned, slightly confused.</p><p>“It is if I want him to have a chance at a happy life.” She turned to face Chakotay, realizing her hand was still in his. She pulled it away to rest in her lap. “I want him to have the freedom to move on if he wants to...to create a life for himself away from us. If he knew about the baby, and it took seventy five years for us to get home, he’d have wasted his whole life in waiting. I don’t want that for him.”</p><p>Chakotay frowned, but nodded, “But what about you, Kathryn? Don’t you and your son deserve to have a family?”</p><p>The left side of Kathryn’s mouth turned up in a half smile, and Chakotay couldn’t help but reciprocate, though he didn’t even know why, “We will have a family. We <i>do</i> have a family. You and Tuvok and Tom and B’Elanna...Neelix and Kes, and Harry. The whole crew. You are all my family now, and I can’t think of a better one for my son.”</p><p>It was Chakotay’s turn to squeeze her shoulder, “That’s a very kind statement, but a very steep price to pay.”</p><p>“I know, but I have to let Mark go. I want him to be happy. No matter when we get home, whether it’s tomorrow or in twenty years, things will never be the same as they were before Voyager left Earth. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that I have to work to create a life for myself here on Voyager. I don’t want my son to see me pining for a future that isn’t attainable. I want him to know that the future is what we make of it,” she chuckled, dropping her face in her hands, “Ugh, does that sound sappy or what?”</p><p>Chakotay grinned, “It makes complete sense, and it’s very brave of you to have that outlook. And you know we are all here for you, whatever you need. We <i>are</i> a family.”</p><p>“I know that, and I appreciate it,” she smiled again, her hand to her stomach, “I guess I’m going to have to figure out how to tell my family that they’re gaining a crew member in about six months time.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some of the dialogue you might recognize from the show. No infringement intended, as always. I think it just gives a good frame of reference to the story. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chakotay woke early, it was just after 0500. Seska had drifted towards him during the night, and he cringed to himself as he slid out from under her arm. She mumbled in her sleep, moving even closer to his side of the bed as he got up. Snatching up the clothing he’d discarded the night before, he threw it all in his refresher as he moved towards the bathroom. Stepping into the shower stall, he commanded the water on.</p>
<p>Leaning into the spray, he closed his eyes, letting the water pour over his hair and down his face. His brow furrowed and a frown pulled his lips as happened every time he thought of the woman in the other room. He wasn’t sure exactly when his opinion of her had changed, but the more she had wanted to spend time with him since they’d merged their crew with Voyager, the less and less he’d had the desire to.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure if it had to do with his new position as first officer, or the fact that Seska was starting to earn her place in Voyager’s engineering room and had little time for him. Perhaps it was his burgeoning friendship with Kathryn, or maybe it was just one of those things. But thinking of her now soured his mood even more than it was.</p>
<p>It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy her as a lover; she had always been more than satisfying. It just seemed that the more that his crew began to fit in with their Starfleet counterparts, the more Seska fought it. She didn’t try to fit in, and the more Chakotay pushed her to get along with those that weren’t originally Maquis, she began to resent him for it.</p>
<p>But she was just as needy for his affection and attention as always.</p>
<p>He had tried to turn her away last night. He’d told her that it wasn’t a good idea; that as ship’s Commander he had to maintain a certain amount of professional distance with the rest of the crew. She had laughed it off, her hands coming to rest against his chest. She touched him where she knew he loved to be touched. Kissed that spot on his neck that she knew would crumble his will. He knew he would glean pleasure from her body, and felt himself responding to her advances, even though he knew he would regret it.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure when his affections for the Bajoran woman had waned, but even as he joined her in his bed last night, he knew it was a mistake...and the last time it would happen.</p>
<p>Shaking his head in an attempt to rid his mind of such negative thoughts so early, he quickly washed and turned off the water, commanding the sonic dry on. Taking a fresh uniform from his closet, he dressed as quickly and quietly as possible, not giving Seska a second look before leaving his quarters to head to the mess hall.</p>
<p>It had been just over two weeks since their failed attempt at transmitting their messages home via the wormhole they had discovered, and since then, he’d felt a change in the energy around the ship. Many of the crew had been heartbroken in the days after the news that their messages hadn’t made it home, but Chakotay noticed a new sense of purpose in much of the crew...especially his former Maquis. They were blending well with the Starfleet crew members, and many of them wore their Fleet uniforms with pride. It warmed Chakotay’s heart to see everyone working together...slowly and surely becoming one crew.</p>
<p>Which made Seska’s behavior even more frustrating.</p>
<p>She was a team player when she needed to be, and yet outspoken when it wasn’t necessary. B’Elanna had spoken to Chakotay on several occasions that Seska wasn’t always willing to do things the Starfleet way, and Chakotay didn’t enjoy seeing B’Elanna in the position of having to reprimand members of her former crew...a friend.</p>
<p>With a sigh, realizing that his thoughts were still getting the better of him, Chakotay entered the mess hall just before 0600. The dining room was empty, save for one person.</p>
<p>Kathryn sat at a table in the corner near one of the viewports, a cup of coffee in hand and, from what Chakotay could tell, her mind deep in thought. Not sure if he should disturb her or not, he moved off to where Neelix was preparing breakfast. He approached the Talaxian, who was busy in the kitchen, moving between five different cooking pots. “Ah, good morning, Commander,” Neelix spoke happily as he stirred one pot while adding spices to another. “What can I tempt you with this morning?”</p>
<p>Chakotay looked warily between the dishes Neelix was fixing, before spotting a bowl of fruit in the corner of the galley, “How about some fruit and oatmeal?” Neelix looked slightly crestfallen at the banal request, but recovered quickly.</p>
<p>“I’ll have it right out for you, Commander.” Chakotay nodded, pouring himself a cup of coffee from what was no doubt Kathryn’s carafe, and made his way towards his Captain. She’d heard the interaction between Chakotay and Neelix, and looked up with a smile when Chakotay approached.</p>
<p>“Good morning, Commander. I’m surprised to see you in the mess this early,” she nodded at the seat across from her. Chakotay sat down, noticing that Kathryn had opted for a similar breakfast of fruit and an omelette, and of course coffee.</p>
<p>“Couldn’t sleep. I guess I’m eager to get down and explore the planet.” Kathryn nodded, taking a sip of her coffee. They had arrived at an uninhabited M class planet that Neelix was familiar with. It was a veritable gold mine as far as supplies they could glean. Neelix was excited to fill his stores with fresh fruits and vegetables, and much of the crew was excited to stretch their legs and do some exploring. That wasn’t the real reason Chakotay was having trouble sleeping, but he didn’t really feel the need to discuss his relationship issues with Kathryn. “How about you? Any particular reason you’re up so early?”</p>
<p>Kathryn gave a sheepish grin, “I’ve decided to tell the senior staff about the baby. I figured I’d tell them before alpha shift, and then make an announcement to the entire crew this evening after we’re done on the planet.” She took another sip of coffee, “Once I decided that today was the day, I’m afraid I haven’t been able to think of anything else...including sleep,” she chuckled lightly.</p>
<p>Chakotay nodded. He knew she’d been working out how and when to tell the crew about the baby, worried about their reaction to her news. But he also knew that she had nothing to worry about. The crew would be nothing but happy for her, and they all understood the burden she would be under; raising a child without her loved ones nearby. They all knew how it felt to be away from home, so Chakotay was quite confident that the crew would gladly rally behind their captain and help her in whatever way she needed. “I think today is a fine day to tell the crew,” Chakotay answered.</p>
<p>“Tell them what?” Neelix asked as he brought over Chakotay’s breakfast. They had been engrossed in their conversation and hadn’t noticed his approach. Kathryn looked up at her morale officer and chef.</p>
<p>“Have a seat, Neelix. I was going to include you in this morning’s staff meeting, but now is as good a time as any to share the news, I suppose.” Neelix sat down, excitement glittering in his eyes at not only news to be heard, but at the fact that he was to know it before some of the more senior staff. Kathryn grinned and Chakotay stifled a chuckle.</p>
<p>“I’ve been keeping a secret from everyone, save for Commander Chakotay and Tuvok,” Neelix nodded in understanding, even as Kathryn spoke, he leaned closer, though they were alone in the mess hall.</p>
<p>“As you know, I have a fiance waiting for me back on Earth. Well, it seems that I am expecting a new little crew member of my own; one that will be joining us in about thirty weeks or so,” she rested her palm on her stomach for emphasis. One of her reasons for telling the crew today was the fact that this was the first morning she felt that she actually <i>looked</i> pregnant. As she’d looked at herself in profile in the mirror this morning when she’d gotten out of the shower, she’d seen the telltale swell of her lower stomach that spoke of the life growing there. It was still easy to conceal in her uniform, but that wouldn’t be the case for much longer. She’d already noticed that her face was looking a touch fuller, her hips a bit more flared, but today as she got dressed, the small protrusion of her stomach was noticeable to her, and she knew it was time.</p>
<p>“You’re pregnant?” Neelix questioned, a wide smile crossing his face.</p>
<p>“I am,” Kathryn answered with a smile of her own, “I have a little boy on the way,” she patted her stomach gently, feeling the slight swell of her son there. “But don’t forget, I don’t want you telling anyone. I plan on making the announcement today.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Captain, your secret’s safe with me. But we have to have some kind of celebration. What is your custom? A baby shower, correct?” Neelix was beside himself with excitement, and Kathryn figured she couldn’t begrudge her morale officer from using her news as an excuse for a party.</p>
<p>“I would like that very much, Neelix, but there’s plenty of time for that.” She took another sip of her coffee, “I just know that pretty soon I won’t be able to hide it, and I’m ready to tell everyone that our crew will be growing.” She smiled at the thought.</p>
<p>“Oh, congratulations, Captain. This is so exciting.” His face suddenly fell. “Your fiance must be absolutely worried sick about you and the baby.” His frown deepened at the very idea.</p>
<p>Kathryn pressed her lips together, but gave the Talaxian a gentle smile, “Actually he doesn’t know. <i>I</i> didn’t even know until a few weeks ago,” Neelix opened his mouth to respond but Kathryn held up her hand to stop him, “But it’s better this way. I don’t want Mark spending his whole life mourning a lost fiance <i>and</i> a lost child. And I don’t want anyone on the crew worried about it either. I’ve made my peace with it, and under the circumstances, I can’t think of a better family to welcome my son into when he’s born.”</p>
<p>Neelix’s face drew back into a smile, “Now that’s a fact, and no mistake. Oh, Captain, this will be such fun,” and with that he was off again, talking of baby showers and parties and all of the other things he was ready to teach the boy once he was born. Chakotay chuckled, eating his own breakfast as Kathryn finished hers. They gave each other a look, knowing full well that once the crew knew about the baby, it would be the topic of conversation from the morale officer every day until his birth.</p>
<p>“Well, if you two will excuse me,” Kathryn spoke as she stood up from the table, “I have a few things to take care of before the alpha shift staff meeting. Commander, I’ll see you soon,” she gave Chakotay a smile, squeezing his arm before departing. Chakotay nodded, prepared to listen to Neelix continue to fawn over the idea of a new crew member. Thankfully, several ensigns entered the mess about ten minutes later, and Neelix immediately stopped speaking on the matter, moving back to the galley to finish breakfast.</p>
<p>=/\=</p>
<p>The announcement to the senior staff went just as Chakotay had predicted. Everyone was thrilled for Captain Janeway, and though he could tell that several of them harbored sadness for the fact that Kathryn was going to be raising this child alone, everyone kept those thoughts to themselves. They had all offered their support in whatever she might need, and everyone agreed that the entire crew would be just as thrilled by the news.</p>
<p>Kathryn made it quite clear that nothing would change in the chain of command going forward, and that once the baby was here, though duty shifts might change slightly as she worked out child care, she and Chakotay would work together to keep things running smoothly. Chakotay felt odd in being included in the conversation in that way; it felt strangely intimate. But before he could put too much thought into it, the conversation moved on to the planet of which they were in orbit.</p>
<p>Chakotay had prepared the first away team, and they were due to leave for the planet’s surface in just over an hour. Though Kathryn wanted to go along, the Doctor had recommended against it. They had detected nucleic radiation in the planet’s upper atmosphere, and though there weren’t traces of it on the planet’s surface, even miniscule amounts of nucleic radiation could adversely affect her growing child. So Kathryn would monitor their progress from the bridge, and Chakotay promised to keep her apprised of everything going on.</p>
<p>The first team to beam down was Chakotay, Neelix, Lieutenant Carey, Harry Kim, several other crewmen, and unfortunately, Seska. He knew that B’Elanna was still working on some diagnostic issues with several of the bio-neural circuits, but wanted several of the engineering crew as part of the first away team to do thorough scans for anything that might be of use. With a sigh, Chakotay watched as Seska gave him a smile and a wink as they climbed aboard the transporter pad. He suddenly wished that he was on the bridge with Kathryn.</p>
<p>The team split up as soon as they set foot on the planet, eager to do preliminary scans and see what resources they could glean. Several of them headed into the low lying hills, where Neelix had spoken of a berry patch. Lieutenant Carey and a few others headed towards the rock quarry to scan for usable minerals. That left Neelix and Chakotay to search for other edibles at the base of the mountains.</p>
<p>It hadn’t been long before Neelix introduced them to Leola Root and blood worms, and Chakotay still couldn’t get the taste out of his mouth. Cringing, he continued digging the tubers out of the soft dirt until his combadge chirped. “Voyager to away team,” Kathryn spoke, and Chakotay could hear the tension in her voice.</p>
<p>“Go ahead, Captain.”</p>
<p>“Are you picking up any other lifesigns in your vicinity?” Chakotay pulled his tricorder from it’s holster at his waist and did a quick scan.</p>
<p>“Nothing but our away team and the edible worms that Neelix wants to bring aboard,” he tried at a joke, picturing Kathryn’s eye roll at the very thought. He knew, pregnant or not, that Kathryn would not be partaking in that particular delicacy.</p>
<p>“We’re detecting another ship in a low orbit of the planet. It appears to be Kazon. Collect your away team and prepare to beam out. We’re going to do some investigating.”</p>
<p>“Acknowledged, Captain. Chakotay out,” he glanced around at the faces nearby, spotting more of his crew appearing from the hills, as they too had heard Kathryn’s orders over the comm-line. “Alright everyone, you heard the order. Collect your teams and anything you’ve procured so far.”</p>
<p>Everyone moved in unison, coming back to their beam out point as they sorted out what needed sorting before they left the planet. Voices were low but concern was evident. Chakotay was feeling it too. He had an unexplainable urge to get back to Voyager, to make sure Kathryn was safe.</p>
<p>No, to make sure Voyager was safe. He shook his head at the thought. Of course he wanted Kathryn to be safe. She was his Captain. It was his job to protect her...to protect the crew. He was able to clamp the feeling down quickly, focusing on the task at hand, but he knew he’d have to do some serious thinking about it when they got back.</p>
<p>“Voyager to away teams, Return to the ship immediately,” There was no denying the concern in Kathryn’s voice as she spoke over the comm-line once again. Whatever Voyager had found, it must not be good.</p>
<p>Chakotay watched as everyone gathered around him, “Commander Chakotay to Voyager; transporter room, stand by,” he glanced around, making a mental note of all the faces around him.</p>
<p>“Commander, I can’t find Ensign Seska,” Harry spoke as he glanced around, “She was with us by the hillside, picking berries, but I lost track of her about a half hour ago.” Chakotay nodded with a silent sigh. </p>
<p>Of course Seska would be the reason they couldn’t leave yet. “Alright, get the groups together Harry. Start transporting. I’ll find Seska.” Harry nodded, pointing out where he’d last seen the ensign before organizing the first group to be transported.</p>
<p>Chakotay pulled out his tricorder, entering the low opening of the caves that Harry indicated. It wasn’t long before he was reading not one lifesign, but three. Ducking into an alcove, he silenced the tricorder and listened. Hearing footsteps down the tunnel, he chanced a glance in their direction.</p>
<p>Two Kazon soldiers crossed from one corridor to another, grumbling to each other about something Chakotay couldn’t hear.</p>
<p>Once the coast was clear, Chakotay continued his search, and just as he rounded a corner, he stopped in his tracks, a phaser pointed right at his face.</p>
<p>“Thank the prophets. I was hoping it would be you,” Seska said, lowering her weapon, “I found some mushrooms at the mouth of the cave. I wanted to teach Neelix how to make the soup you like.” She gave him a simpering grin.</p>
<p>Chakotay was glad that the darkness of the cave covered his eye roll as he took Seska by the wrist, “I appreciate the thought, but we have to go. Voyager has detected a Kazon ship in low orbit, and there are at least two of them in the cave right now.”</p>
<p>Pulling her back towards the entrance, they came face to face with the Kazon that he’d just spoken of. Working in tandem, Chakotay and Seska pulled their phasers. The first Kazon fired and missed, and Chakotay was able to land a blast solidly to the man’s chest. He groaned loudly, crumpling to the ground. The other man fired at Seska and she ducked, returning fire. The second Kazon dodged her shot, firing instead at Chakotay. He ducked, but not fast enough as the beam hit him square in the gut. With a groan, he dropped to the dirt, hearing another phaser blast from Seska and watching the second Kazon man drop.</p>
<p>Seska reached down, helping Chakotay to his feet, and together they moved slowly out of the cave.</p>
<p>=/\=</p>
<p>Kathryn got to sickbay only minutes after Chakotay was beamed there. He had argued that he could manage walking the distance between the transporter room and sickbay, but Kathryn called for a transport directly to the EMH’s care when Seska quickly commed to say what had happened.</p>
<p>Seska stood beside Chakotay when Kathryn arrived, brushing her fingers over his forehead and cheeks in a soothing gesture, and Kathryn was brought up short. She didn’t know that Chakotay was in a relationship with the Bajoran ensign, but the way the woman worried over him left little doubt in Kathryn’s mind. An odd feeling twisted her stomach and she had no idea where the sentiment came from. It was just odd seeing Chakotay being cared for by another woman.</p>
<p>She nearly laughed at her own thought. Why should that be odd? He had just as much right to a relationship as anyone else. She would never begrudge someone whatever happiness they could glean from the situation they had found themselves in. And she wanted more than anything for Chakotay to be happy.</p>
<p>But the look on his face as Seska fawned over him looked anything but appreciative. He was cringing, and Kathryn had an idea that it wasn’t just in pain. He seemed to shy away from her touch as the Doctor scanned his abdomen where the phaser blast had burned his uniform. Kathryn could see his charred skin beneath. Moving to stand beside Seska, Kathryn put her hand on the ensign’s arm, “Why don’t we give the Doctor some room to work?” Kathyrn noticed that Seska still had on her pack of supplies she’d gleaned from the planet. “Please take this to the galley. Report to Neelix whatever resources you’ve recovered, and then I’d like you to give a full account of what happened on the planet to Tuvok.” Seska looked up from her spot beside Chakotay, clearly ready to argue with Kathryn.</p>
<p>Kathryn knew that of all the Maquis, Seska was one that most vehemently held on to the old ways. Though she wore the Starfleet uniform and followed Starfleet protocol, Kathryn knew there was still a large part of her that was Maquis. Not knowing <i>how</i> large a part, Kathryn made it a point to check on the Bajoran woman’s progress from time to time, but aside from the occasional personality conflict, B’Elanna had always had nothing but glowing reports about the woman. </p>
<p>But B’Elanna was a former Maquis as well, so occasionally Kathryn asked Lieutenant Carey about Seska’s progress. He also had nothing but good reports, so Kathryn had remained satisfied.</p>
<p>The Bajoran woman looked now as if she may argue, but knew that Kathryn’s suggestion was a nicely spoken order, so she nodded, brushing her thumb one last time across his cheek before moving away from the bio-bed and out of sickbay. Taking the woman’s place beside Chakotay’s bed, she couldn’t help but notice the way his brow smoothed as he relaxed into the bio-bed, giving her a look of silent thanks as she approached.</p>
<p>“How is he, Doctor?” Kathryn spoke, watching as the EMH finished his diagnostic scan.</p>
<p>The Doctor pressed his lips together, picking up a hypospray and depressing it to Chakotay’s neck. Kathryn watched as he relaxed further, letting out a relieved sigh. </p>
<p>“He has first and second degree burns to his abdomen, a fractured rib and a mild concussion. After his treatment I would prefer he rest for the remainder of the day. He should be fine for his duty shift tomorrow, but I want him off duty for the rest of the day.” Kathryn nodded with a smile.</p>
<p>“I think I know who to talk to to make that happen,” Chakotay chuckled softly and the Doctor’s brow furrowed, not catching her joke. “How do you feel, Chakotay?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” he smiled up at her, “Surprised that our scanners didn’t pick up the Kazon lifesigns before they were on us. I’m also curious why our ship scanners didn’t detect their ship.” He closed his eyes in pain for a moment when the Doctor moved the dermal regenerator over his wound before relaxing once again, “Do we have any idea how they remained cloaked, or how they evaded our sensors?”</p>
<p>Kathryn smiled down at her first officer, placing a hand gently on his shoulder, her smile growing when he didn’t shy away from her touch. “Not yet, but Tuvok and Harry are working on it. I don’t want you to worry about it. Once the Doctor clears you, I’m going to walk you to your quarters, and that’s where you will remain until Beta shift tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Chakotay grinned at her knowingly, “I’m on Alpha shift tomorrow,” he corrected gently. Kathryn shook her head lightly, smiling down at him.</p>
<p>“Captain’s orders. I want you to rest, and I won’t take no for an answer.” Chakotay nodded with an appreciative grin.</p>
<p>The Doctor quickly mended the fractured rib and before long his burns were healed, his new skin a bit pink under his singed uniform. Aside from the dirt on his face and clothes, he looked no worse for the wear. The Doctor gave him discharge instructions and Kathryn and Chakotay walked slowly towards the turbo lift.</p>
<p>“Are you still going to make the announcement to the crew? About the baby?” Chakotay asked once the lift doors closed.</p>
<p>“I am. Once everything is settled and I’ve gone over the reports of everything you all discovered on the planet, then I’ll make a ship wide announcement. I’m ready for everyone to know, and I think it will be quite the weight off my shoulders.” Chakotay nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry if what happened today put a damper on your plans,” Chakotay said as the lift doors opened on deck three.</p>
<p>“It didn’t. I’m only sorry you got hurt. And we’ll get to the bottom of the sensor malfunction, if it <i>was</i> a malfunction.” She gave his arm a squeeze.</p>
<p>He nodded, tapping his door lock to open the door to his quarters. “Thank you for the company, Captain. I look forward to your announcement later.”</p>
<p>Kathryn smiled and nodded. She thought vaguely of asking about Seska, and his reaction to her doting concern earlier, but decided that it wasn’t the time, nor was it really any of her business.</p>
<p>Chakotay was her first officer, and her friend. She knew that if he had something on his mind, either of a professional or personal nature, he would bring it up in his own time. With another smile and a promise to see him tomorrow when he came to the bridge, she bade him a good day.</p>
<p>Chakotay stood beside the closed door for a moment after Kathryn left, feeling oddly bereft. Taking a deep breath, he pondered the feeling. Deciding his head ached too much for such thoughts, he moved gingerly towards his sonic shower, a smile pulling his lips at the anticipation of her announcement to the crew.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you have a moment, please tell me if I'm off my nut or not. I really see a lot of potential with this, and I'm kind of excited to stretch my legs into the territory of angst (insert shocked emoji here) but I think this will be an interesting ride. Please let me know what you think! xoxo</p></blockquote></div></div>
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